Perhaps it’s a Wednesday night and you’re fully recovered from your weekend and in the mood to get a little toasty, but you have to work tomorrow morning. Perhaps it’s Saturday but all your friends are out of town and you want to let your hair down. Perhaps it’s any goddamn day… who needs an excuse really? Time to spark up a hot one.
But now what?
You’re in an episode of Stoned Alone and it’s time to figure out some activities.
There is a veritable buffet (food jokes with pot, nice) of undertakings available to the dedicated stoner, but first, one has to evolve past simply getting the munchies and watching television or movies, *slaps your hand away from the ice cream* stop it. Indulging is all well and good on occasion, of course, but after you do this, you’ll definitely wake up feeling guilty and physically poorer the next day, which is precisely what we’re avoiding. You also can’t repeat this process with any regularity without becoming a dropkick. We want non-guilt, maximum utility puffing on the beugle horn. We want productive stoner life and believe it or not, this is very possible.
Like any drug, but especially with marijuana (and to an even greater extent psychedelics) what you focus on becomes magnified. Pot, however, has the beautiful side effect of making mundane tasks much more enjoyable. Put your mind to something and you’ll be amazed what you get done. Here’s some of our favourite, most enjoyable, exceedingly normal activities to do stoned alone:
Housework while listening to music or a podcast.
Oh fuck yeh. After I first discovered this, I realised that what they used to say was true – weed is indeed a gateway drug. It’s a gateway drug to more housework. Throw on some tunes to fit your mood (we are working on bringing you a list of music artists for cool kids, stay tuned), and take care of those dishes. Do your laundry. Sweep some floors. Get all of your housework done. Dance while your doing it. Marijuana is performance enhancing drugs for housework, it should be banned by the housework commission. But it’s not. Take advantage.
If you’re opting for the podcast option over music, we’d suggest favouring ones that tell compelling stories when high. You want to listen to something with a narrative, and preferably something fairly mind blowing. Our top recommendation if you haven’t done it yet - Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History. Start with the Mongol ones.
A nice walk.
Few things beat some fresh air, light movement and people/nature watching when stoned. Get out there and get after it. We’d strongly suggest taking headphones for music, but also consider leaving some time to be alone with your thoughts. Let them wander.
Cook yourself a nice meal
This can get out of control fast, so it depends what way you want to take it. It’s not unheard of for the incredibly stoned to put out a nice steak with mushroom sauce, salad, served with a bowl of chupachups, a block of chocolate and some edamame. Go where your palate takes you, we say. Get creative. But trying to cook a nice healthy meal is definitely a lock for the enjoyable while high category.
A personal favourite. I really look forward to yoga when I’m high. Sober? Not so much. In fact I hate it. If you think Yoga won’t be enjoyable, please, just get higher than Everest and give it a go one time for 30-45 minutes (just youtube 45 minute beginner yoga). Trust me. Just get started. It’s incredible... And, if I really can’t talk you into it, make sure you have a good stretch at least. You can’t lose.
A hot bath
A bit of temperature play when bazooka'd is unreal. Hot baths are relaxing too. Duh. You know what else is relaxing? That large hit of the devils lettuce you just ingested. A perfect combo. Get off your phone screen and sit in the bath and just be with your thoughts and be in the present. Or read a book. Or meditate fully. Or stretch a bit in there. It’s hard to miss with a hot bath, especially if your muscles are a bit tight or sore.
Write or draw or do something creative
Weed can bring up some thoughts. Sometimes funny, sometimes personal, sometimes meaningful, sometimes important, sometimes worth sharing. It’s great to track them, or that short term memory will obliterate them and you’ll have missed an opportunity. You might also find the floodgates open and all sorts of artistic or written ideas rushing in. Excellent. Get to it. Do something creative. Make something, write something, draw something. The only bad art you can make for yourself is the art you don’t make. No one has to ever see this.
Look, I’ve thoroughly investigated all sorts of workouts high and concluded that the heavy lifting, explosive type ones are a bit less ideal than others. Why? Because they require maximum focus on technique and execution, or you risk injury. This brings us full circle to yoga, of course, but there’s also another option: steady state exercise. Personally, I find it WAY less boring and tedious when high. It’s a goddamn rollercoaster and you’re the captain of the ship. You can really lean into some huffing and puffing. Or just distract yourself way easier. Try it one time.
You can’t go wrong with masturbation.
Okay, that’s all we've got for now. We hope these can be of use if your a newbie to the game. Be free, you wonderfully stoned sailors.
Got other better ideas? Let us know in the comments!